Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Blogging from the heart: Lately

Sorry about the blog hiatus there, but i've been working on some assignments and taking time out to enjoy 'real' life. Sometimes i just need to take the pressure off myself to keep up the blog. You know how it is.

Today  Stephanie Howell posted something on her blog, inspired by this post by Ali Edwards, encouraging us bloggers to put a little bit of our  real selves out there & blog from the heart. This is something i've been thinking about a lot over the past year with everything that's been going on with me. i struggle with how much to share here, i generally try to keep things sunny, because let's face it, you don't want to hear all my woe's. But i don't in any way want people to think that my life is all adventures and cupcakes (although there is a fair amount of those). And so, here's what's been on my mind....

Lately i've been worrying about the change in season. The change in weather, temperature & number of hours of light we get have a massive impact on my life because i suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. You can read more about the condition here. i think everyone gets a little affected by winter but for me it mean's i'm tired all the time, can't handle stress, have problem's sleeping, get depressed and essentially just want to hibernate. i can't tell you how miserable it makes me, how anxious & isolated i feel. Some day's, it is literally a struggle to get out of bed. It's been a particularly stressful year for me and we haven't had a great summer so the change in my mood & energy level's haven't been dramatic like they usually would (generally i am hyperactive, excitable and more sociable in the summer months). But i know things are likely to get worse over the coming month's. This year i'm hoping to alleviate some of the symptoms by using light therapy, because i'm determined not to let it control my life in such a huge way. i'll let you know how that goes.

Lately i've been getting really excited about Halloween and all the craft projects i want to get done.

Lately i've been missing the life i had a year ago, the job, the people that i got to hang with everyday, & the boy i used to know, before my world got flipped upside down. i've been wishing things could be like they were then. But i know they can't be and i need to focus on moving forward. And i try to remember that i will find happiness again.

Lately a lot of my friends have been settling down, getting married or having babies. It's not surprising given my age, and of course i am happy for them, but i just feel like we are not grown up enough for that yet! And it's freaking this free spirited girl out a little. OK, a lot.

Lately i haven't been very happy in my job. And i've been thinking about what kind of job would make me happy & what steps i can take to get there. Tomorrow i'm taking my first step, a beginners course in Adobe Illustrator at Bonzo Studio. i'm excited to learn and to see where this path will take me.

Lately i've been thinking about this amazing hobby i have. How all these stunning layouts i see on blogs and in galleries and super inspiring, but all i really want to do is tell my story and have fun in the process. How i'm grateful for all the connections i've made through this shared love. i just got to hang out at Lara's for the weekend and it was awesome.

Lately i've been thinking about how important it is to look after yourself. To keep your mind well & look after your body. i think this is something that you start to realise more and more as you grow older. i'm certainly more mindful of what goes into my body, especially since i took the decision to go vegetarian, but i need to work on doing more exercise (and cutting back on chocolate!).

Lately i've been wishing i could be better at managing my money and strong enough to resist temptation. It's an ongoing battle that i am likely never to win.

Lately i've been listening to Catching a Tiger by Lissie a lot. It feels like she wrote the album about my life.

Lately i've been really thankful for the friends in my life. Who know me. Who will hug me when the tears fall and tell me it will be ok. Who are at the end of the phone whenever i need them, even though they are far away. Who can make me laugh until i can barely breathe. Who will get drunk with me, do silly things and dance until we can't dance any more. Who go on adventures with me. Who send me pictures of pugs because they know it will make me smile.

Who make my life so very full.


stephanie howell said...

Love this. Love your honesty, your spirit, and your bravery. Xxo

Sian said...

Get a lightbox. Definitely. I know someone who has one and thinks it makes a real difference :)

Unknown said...

Lovely post. I think it's important to be real on our blogs too. There is absolutely no point in hiding behind pretty pictures in my opinion, as it can make you gloss over the things about your life you want to change. Every now and then I get so much therapy from making a scrapbook page about what's upsetting me. Life is not all roses, so our art shouldn't be either. x

Jenni said...

this is so wonderful alexa- thanks for sharing your heart!! xoxo

Miss said...

Love you pumpkin :) xx

Buzzard Girl said...

Such a moving blog Alexa x

Keshet said...

Love this, Alexa--I hope a new season starts up with a job that makes you happier. You're the best:)

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