Sunday, December 17, 2006

The decs are up & i've been thinking too much!

This our fireplace, which mum decorated yesterday. We have a couple of traditional christmas decs we put up every year. i made the angel that sits on the top of our tree when i was in nursery & there's a plaster of paris wise man that i made out of a milk bottle and a polystrene ball when i was about 10, which you can just about see in the picture. See, i was always artistic! Me & my sis normally decorate the tree together, but as she's not here i did it on my own. Because i had my own place last year i have loads of decs of my own, which mum let me put on the tree. This made me happy becuase i didn't have to ask, she must have known how i was feeling. We wern't allowed a real christmas tree when Lloyd had his transplant & we haven't had a eral tree since. So last year Alex & i bought a real tree, which i was so excited about, it was just so exciting to have our own place to decorate! i miss my little flat & the happy times we had there, before life got in the way & we started to become invisible to each other.
It's so strange to think how completly different my life is now to this time last year. i'm so happy to be back in Portsmouth & i've made some amazing friends this year & done some pretty cool things i know i wouldn't have done if i had stayed where i was. Recently it has been very draining & frustrating living at home again. i've felt like escaping. i often feel the urge to take off somewhere, not just for a couple of hours but for a while. But there's no place i'd rather be at this time of year.

i've been evaluating my life a lot lately, i suppose that's what birthdays & the end of year does to you. i'm hoping next year will bring lots of new & fabulous oppertunities, but i know i need to make them happen for myself. i'm feeling very trapped at the moment. i'm not sure what i want to do yet, but i know i need to travel. i'm feeling a bit lost, like i need to be discovered. i want to meet new people, see new things, take new directions. i don't think i've done what i'm here to do yet.
Being at home has made me settle back into myself. i think that being part of a couple & living away from everyone that loves me, i started to loose who i was. Moving home & getting to do all the things that i love & spending time with the people that make me happy has made me Me again. But now i'm starting to feel like i need to be challenged. i feel like i need to explore my independance again & experience what there is in the world beyond England so i can figure out who i really am, away from all these poeple. Although i'll miss them dearly.
Yesterday i made the Jake Album for Anna. You can see the whole thing here. It took me about 5 hours. Somehow i find it much easier to make mini albums for other people than to make a single layout for myself! Got some new photos this week which inspired me to do some scrapping, then when it came to it i spent about 3 hours agonising over 1 layout & never even got it completed! Anyway, here's some stuff i made last weekend. i found the little gold frame in Ikea the other week & had to have it! It sits on my side table next to my groovy pink alarm clock. Well, i've got to have something pretty to look at, seeing as there's no handsome man to wake up to!


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